Egyptian girl dies in circumcision

Sat Aug 11, 7:50 PM ET

CAIRO, Egypt – A 13-year-old Egyptian girl has died during a circumcision operation, two months after the death of another girl prompted health officials to ban the widespread traditional procedure, local media said Saturday.

These people have such a fucked-up, medieval concept of “virtue” that they willingly rob their daughters of their sexuality by ripping out their clitorises.

But the subject of this rant is how the mainstream media wraps these barbaric atrocities in euphemisms:

Female circumcision. Say it enough and it sounds almost harmless, like removing a boy’s foreskin. No big deal. Circumcision. Ho hum, move along. That’s the power of a euphemism. Use an easier, softer, gentler word or phrase. Wrap a horrible barbarity in a euphemism, and you can make it sound almost normal.

Of course, the word “circumcision” is meaningless when applied to a female, because circumcision refers to the foreskin — something females don’t have. You might as well start calling castration a male hysterectomy.

“Female circumcision” is nothing but a made-up, bullshit word.

How about you reporters start calling it what it is:

Imagine cutting off half a boy’s penis so he doesn’t feel sexual sensations anymore, and imagine performing this horrible GENITAL MUTILATION to preserve the boy’s “virtue”. The same basic thing is being inflicted on these girls by their families. But the reporters don’t call it female GENITAL MUTILATION. They call it “female circumcision”.

The first step in stopping the problem is facing it. And to do that, you need to be able to describe it using accurate language.

I therefore present this list of Rental Euphemisms:

Adorable

It’s a dump.

Basement

You’ll have a swimming pool every time it rains.

Beautiful

For twice my brother’s mortgage, it’d better be.

Bonus room

A room with such a poor layout that no one’s sure what to do with it.

Carport

A garage that’s missing its front door.

Charming

It’s a dump.

Close to downtown

Your neighbors will be back from the bars at 2am.

Condo

All the disadvantages of apartment living with all the disadvantages of home ownership.

Convenient location

You’ll get used to the traffic noise.

Country setting

Welcome to the boondocks. Bring a map.

Cozy

It’s small. Very small. And you’ll hear the neighbors fucking.

Cute

It’s a dump.

Den

A garage you can no longer use, because some knucklehead put down carpeting.

Deposit

The landlord’s bonus.

Diamond in the rough

It’s a dump.

Executive home

You can’t afford the rent.

Family friendly

You’ll hear the neighbor’s kid screaming at 3:30am.

Furnished

The landlord can’t bring himself to throw out all his crap.

Granny unit

The landlords will be next door, and they’ll get annoyed if you try to use the yard.

Handyman’s special

It’s a dump. Bring your tools.

Home

The landlord is afraid to use a more descriptive word such as apartment, flat, studio, or outhouse.

It’s a steal!

It’s a dump, and you’re still going to pay too much for it.

Laid back roommates

Get used to parties, unwashed dishes, and an inch of soap scum in the shower.

Lease

Hope you like the place, since you won’t be moving out for a while.

Market correction

Housing prices are falling, but your rent isn’t.

Mature applicants preferred

If you’re under 25, forget it.

New floors

The previous tenants trashed the floors, but you’re paying the bill.

Nice

It’s a dump with a “nice personality”.

No-party policy

Your neighbors have the cops on speed dial.

Older home

It’s a dump. You won’t be able to fit a bed in the bedroom. During the Civil War, a cannonball crashed through the parlor.

Perfect for a couple

The bathroom is only accessible through a bedroom.

Pets negotiable

Previous tenant’s dog has already pissed on the rugs.

Shelving

A previous tenant bolted wood planks to the walls.

24 hour notice

You aren’t allowed to shoot home invaders tomorrow.

Utilities included

But they aren’t free! This cost is built into your rent.

Victorian

A beautiful, charming, older home with new floors, perfect for a couple. It’s a steal!

Walking distance to the local college

Party central.

Washer/Dryer included

They were purchased during the Carter administration.

Will consider students

Previous tenants have already trashed the place.

Won’t last long!

It’s a dump, but there’s plenty of suckers out there.

Also, these notes on layout:

Bedroom to bathroom ratio

If the bedroom to bathroom ratio is greater than 2 (for example, a 3br/1ba has a ratio of 3), then the house is at least 50 years old.

Charming or Cute

In addition to being a dump, the house has an odd-ball layout.

Half bedroom (or ¹/₂ bedroom)

A storage room that someone once threw a bed in.

Quarter bathroom (or ¹/₄ bath)

Someone stuck a toilet, but no sink, in one of the closets.

Happy house hunting!